“The Willingness to Learn Something about Anything”
“Life comes down to our willingness to wonder about something and having the courage to know anything.” — quoted from the Universe to Thadd Presley
When I contemplate original ideas and create art, I feel invincible. Absolutely nothing can measure up to the things I dream and bring into reality. Nothing can take away the emotions I release into the world as long as they truly come from my heart and mind. I’m not just another creative power of the universe. I know it comes off as weak and unimportant sometimes, but my power comes directly from the source of all things. The Creator entrusted me with certain creative powers and I use them to create my world and the worlds of those closest to me. What I create is both a gift from me to the universe and a gift from the universe to me, working in unison with powers and beings with no true description in our dimension. A gift from a society completely incorruptible and eternal granting the ability to bring forth lifetimes of timelines and fill them with beautiful experiences and powerful revelations that are only understood by those who have witnessed the unlimited capacity to love and receive love. It’s easy to love those who loved you first. It is all about love.
Then, there comes upon me a darkness, such times I begin to doubt my origins and I start to think that I’m not from a special part of the inner sanctum. I think that I’m just another sheep standing in the field and this field is just one field with many fields. I’m just here and no one cares. A field within many fields, a fold amongst many folds, just a sheep standing alone that sounds ad looks no different than the others. I think that I’m nothing but an animal. And if that’s not damning enough, I begin to imagine I’m are tagged, tracked, and controlled — not by a great Shepard, but – by a group of sheep who have put themselves in charge and guide me from birth to the grave. Nothing I do is a surprise to anybody or anything. Especially to those I have somehow landed in the higher positions of power concerning this world. Nothing I have ever thought is original or inspired by a higher reality. Every idea I’ve had has either been had by many, perhaps by all, who have come before me or has been planted in my head by other sheep. The greatest act of creation I could ever produce is nothing but an outcome from a watered down classroom process or a spasm of unrealized dreams and incomplete thoughts. Generations of manic and depressed men and women who lived and died never knowing anything concrete about reality or the true nature of life have had these same ideas, thoughts, and dreams and just like them I’m going to do nothing with them and if I did no one would care because they are busy trying not to starve or freeze to death. I begin to think: there is truly no new thing under the sun. There are no revelations left to be had by anyone. The best I can ever do is reproduce in some dramatic way the failures of those who came before me.
The only difference I can see, if any, that separate the sheep like me from the other sheep is this egotistical, vanity-driven, self-serving act of writing down my thoughts and ideas. Why do I do it? It’s vanity in its grandest state directed from a place of fear. I’m afraid of being forgotten, afraid of dying, and besides the fact that somewhere deep inside I must truly think that I am somehow different and my thoughts are in some way important enough to be remembered. I am so afraid of being just like everyone else, I do my best to be different in just a way as to not be singled out, but to be looked upon for a moment and hopefully understood.
So, I continue to try and capture the beautiful ideas with elegant word play. If I can introduce a clever character with an interesting story to a reader than it must that I am different and can possibly make a difference in a life. If I can create intelligent story lines and bring pleasure to people, I believe I can offer them reasons to exist beside just being alive and miserable. If I can make the lives of the people in my head produce answers to the hard questions so often asked by the people in real world situations than perhaps I will deserve to be remembered by those who are interested in knowing the secrets of life and the world in which we live.
In many ways, I am a sheep looking to my shepherd for direction and safety. But, sometimes, I look down at my own hoof-prints and think they are somehow different from the countless others. Simultaneously, I realize that believing I’m different, and even better in some ways, than all the other sheep is maniacal and delusional by any measure. Yet, it seems true. I hope my vain-maniacal delusion is harmless. Perhaps, if I’m very lucky, my insanity might somehow be helpful to someone, somewhere. It is, after all, the only way I know of being part of the fold.
Sometimes, I think everyone wants to believe, or at least should believe, that their hoof prints are some majestic, cosmic Morse code that can only be deciphered by other genius sheep who believe in the latest prophecy. On the outside we are the same, but, on the inside, we all feel we are special creatures captured and forced to live this current life as a sheep. There must be something that drives us and connects us to others who create and live with a similar burst of zealous understanding. We look alike, we talk alike, we all cry alike, and most of us don’t like the fact that we are all going to die alike.
To all the others in the fold, I tell you:
If you want to think that you are special and that someone, someday might come across an ancient hoof-prints you left in the mud and try to decipher it? Then, maybe you are! Ad maybe there is a secret code embedded in all of our hoof-prints, and maybe there is not, but the only way to know is to document every step with honesty and precision. For is every life is trying to teach us the importance of being alive and now to enjoy life, then we must live as if we believe that life comes from somewhere and we will one day return to that place with the stories we have to tell. The only thing we can do today is have a willingness to wonder about everything and courage to push through the towering inferno of ignorance burning around us and dare to learn anything about something.