Still Alive

My dad told my mother that it was not the right time in his life; that everything was happening too fast and he wanted to wait a few more years. So, when she started crying, he knew he had her convinced. They went together.

The small office was in a house on South Laughter Street, right downtown next to the municipal swimming pool.

Outside. a few feet from the road was a sign, sticking out of the lawn like a cheap campaign slogan. Written in an old English font and beginning to fade in the sun.

“Cash only, discretion is our only priority.
S. Laughter Street Clinic.”

Mother cried when she read it.

Inside a man took them into a surgical theatre and asked my mother to relax and lay on the table.  My father didn’t want to stay in the room, but the doctor ordered him to.

“Murder is not easy, Mr. Frente.” He put on plastic gloves. “Your wife  will need you to take some of the blame once she realizes what she’s done. To stand at the morning mirror tomorrow, alone and before God, will not be like it was this morning. I hope you understand that.”

My mother started crying again.

“Why do you cry?” The doctor asked perplexed.

She said nothing, sobbing.

“Why is she crying?” He asked my father.

My father looked at my mother. “She doesn’t want to be a murderess.”

“Do you blame her?”

“No, but we can’t have a child now. We’re not ready. There’s too much at stake. My job, the money. There’s just to much to do before…”

The doctor nodded his head and went to his cabinet where he brought back a bible. Inside he had a page marked. “will you please read from the highlighted area before we begin?”

Pushing the bible away from him, he yelled. “What’s this?”

“Just read the last rights. At least you can do that much.”

“No. I will not. Now, you have the money. So, do your job, will you?”

“I’m afraid you don’t understand. sir. I’m not going to do it. I’m going to explain the instruments to you and you are going to do it. Anyone can do it once they are shown how.”

“What?” He couldn’t stand it anymore. “I paid you to do it. What do you think? I’m no doctor.”

“You don’t need a doctor. Doctors are for healing people. You need a clean room, clean instruments, and secret place to commit murder, which I have provided for you. You need me to stay quiet once you are finished killing this child and, since you have paid me very well to do so, I will. But I am not a murderer. No amount of money could persuade me to kill an innocent child.”

My mother was off the table and through the door before my father could reply. She did not return to the car, but instead called a taxi and only left the S. Laughter Street Clinic when it arrived.

She divorced my father and has never seen him again.

The first entry in my journal is this: my mother was convinced to have an abortion, but in the end it didn’t matter. I was still born.

 

Words We Don’t Know

Words We Don’t Know

The words come and go
But the soul knows
There’s so much more we could say

Love comes and goes
But our heart knows
there will be better days

Some friends come and go
But in the end
we know that real friends will stay

Life can often be slow
but, oh, time goes
and we always love again

We find we sometimes sow
words we don’t know
as our muse dances and sways

When toe to toe
with those holding our soul
we relive all the mistakes we ever made

Our work always grows
and often we’re shown
our best effort is still only clay

Receiving your Desires (As Above, so Below)

As Above, So Below

and what it means to You

There is an inside and out, an up and down, a yin and yang.

“As above so below” means that the universe is just as you are: magnificent, rich, powerful, vast, and largely unknown until you spend time and effort uncovering the mysteries.

There is a magic to the Universal Laws. A recipe. It’s not complicated by any means. In fact, the emotional ingredients mix together into one concoction once their attributes are understood. It is easy to replicate it once you do it the first time.

Ingredients:

Gratitude/Thanksgiving:
Intention:
Expectation/Faith:

The goal is to mix all these together and cook it in the oven of your Subconscious Mind.

First: Know your desire. Can you see yourself with it, doing it, telling others about it?

I ask this because you have to know what you want inside and out, up and down, because knowing how it feels to have what you want is very important to receiving it and keeping it. If you can imagine yourself already living with your desire and express the emotions associated with receiving it, which is gratitude and thanksgiving, the universe will be forced into manifesting it into your life.

Why? Because “as above, so below.” As you believe, so it is. There is no alternative for the universe except to make what you truly believe a reality. This is the source of all the power within you.

Answer this question about “As Above, So Below” and consider where your life and all you have originates. Do you think below refers to you and above to the universe? Many people believe they are below the universe. But it’s wrong.

As above (as you) believe, so below (the universe) manifest into reality.

The fact that you believe you deserve your desire is vital to how and when you receive it. This is where Intention comes into play. We address our Intention to understand why we want our desires and what we plan do with them. This is only a mental process to affirmation that our desire is good and beneficial.

For some reason, our subconscious mind blocks selfish desires from manifesting into our lives. Not because the universe doesn’t want us to have what we want, but we don’t believe we deserve them.  Much time and energy is spent (wasted) on trying to convince ourselves we can have our desires.

Once you  truly convince yourself that you are worthy of the things you want, then you enter a waiting period of Gestation, which is largely controlled by your Expectation/Faith.

Finding and using techniques to unblock the mental barriers keeping you from your desires is where lives are truly changed forever.

The time spent waiting for your desire is drastically shortened once you can believe that you deserve it because only then can you see yourself having it. You must teach yourself how to be thankful for your desires even before they are fully manifested.

One place to begin is knowing that you can have anything you desire. There’s plenty of it in the world, no one will suffer if you get a new car, more money, or a prettier roof over your head? You are not robbing anyone or depriving them of it because you have it. There is plenty to go around.

The process of blending these ingredients together should bring them all into one action  that makes it easier for you to believe “you deserve and already have your desire.” Two of my favorite methods to use are:

Meditation: If you don’t know how to meditate, look it up.
Drawing a Sigil: If you don’t know what this means, look up how to draw a sigil.

This should be performed in a way to place the belief that you will receive your desire into your subconscious. I know it sounds time consuming, but it isn’t. A few minutes everyday will change our life.

I would try to explain meditation and how to draw a sigil, but others do it so well, I should leave it to them.

You will know when it’s time to stop creating sigils and meditating on a certain desire. I can’t explain it, but you will know.

 

Good luck. But, you won’t need it.

Love is Over-Rated

I said that Love is over-rated and I meant it. At least, the shallow, weak emotions society sees as Love .  And I’ll go even further and say most people don’t know what Love truly is.  I wonder: Do I even know?

Honestly, I don’t know if I know. That’s just the nature of not knowing. But, I know what Love is not and that gives me an idea of what Love feels like.

Love is not dependence.

“We need to help people to discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence.” — From The World According To Mister Rogers

Love is not something that goes away with time.

The more we love, the more we want to love and it begins with love for ourselves.

Love is infinite and all powerful.

Love can see beyond the facade people portray as themselves. It is a mirror that reflects the real you back perfectly and allows you to see the parts of yourself that is blocking your desires. Love does not lie to you and allow you to remain stagnant.

There is a literary device used in many stories to show a character’s growth throughout life and the many ways they change, but throughout the many obstacles and events, their dreams never change nor does their core essence. This device is called Bildungsroman. I think this is one word that can help describe one of Love’s attributes.

I believe societies Love is become the direct opposite of Bildungsroman because true Love would never turn you away from something you desire. It would never stand in your way or hold you back from reaching your goals.

Love pulls you forward. Whether it’s the Love of someone else or your own, it will direct you in a positive way. Love does not have a negative connotation. It draws you in.

 

It is not the thought that matters, but the action. Love perfects you, it does not tear you down. Love expands your horizons, it does not tie you down. Love is a fire that burns away the lies and stupidity and tempers the truth. Love wakes you up and shakes off the contentment and satisfaction you thought was good enough.

Many may say it, many may think it, many may want it, but few actually do it.

“You think because he doesn’t love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn’t want you anymore that he is right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’ Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn’t be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.” ―Toni Morrison

“I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” ―Maya Angelou

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ―Deborah Reber

 

The Perfect Day

 

Sometimes, someone has a bad day. No, that’s not right at all.  Everyone of us have bad days. But, we find numerous ways to deal with it. Each of us something different. There are those who find clever ways to ignore the bad happening. These people can be said to only see the good things that happen. Then, there are those who have a habit of dwelling on the bad happening and allow it to affect the rest of the day. These two approaches are pretty much the limit of dealing with a bad day.

But, there are a growing number of people who recreate the bad day over and over again. Examples of this are: couples who argue over the same issues every morning, employees who take the same route to work and find themselves upset, rude and flustered, many who repeat the same day expecting a different tomorrow.

The fear of Scarcity and Victimization makes up 99% of human thinking. The idea that there is not enough keep most of us from taking chances. Everything that happened yesterday becomes an excuse of why today is the way it is, why someone is the way they are, why someone does not have what they want to have.

There are so many creative people in the world, I can fairly say that one is reading this now. Are you a creative person? Do you have a creative soul? Do you want to change your life? I have an idea that might make a difference in your day. First, let’s think about your day and how you want it to start and end.

Then, plan your perfect day.

Write it hour by hour like a film script. Be as detailed as you want to be. Who are the characters? What is the goal of the play (the day)?  Since you are the protagonist, who or what is the antagonist? Be specific and really look at your day as if you have control over how it is going to play out.

This is one thing that needs to be done because at some point you have to take responsibility for the day you create. You are the reason your day is the way it is. You created it with your mind, with your actions, and with your fear based intention.

Write your perfect day and begin to make it a reality. Do not write it from scarcity or fear. But, instead, write the day as if there is no bounds, nothing off limits, and you can be exactly the person you are.

Thanks for reading and have a great day.

 

Creative People And their Muse

Breaking down poetic boundaries and looking inside

 

Have you ever met someone very interesting and wanted to get to know them?

If you have, and most of us have, you will better understand what it feels like for a writer to have a new idea. The ideas do not appear as words interacting with other words. The characters are people, who live in towns and cities, and have lives and hopes and dreams of their own. Connections are built between the characters that lead to dynamic interactions and have lasting consequences for the story.

While writing the story, feelings develop for the characters because the writer knows how they feel. It’s with these emotions, the ones that exist in the writer’s mind that create characters so real and interesting, that the reader becomes involved and develops emotional attachment.

Ideas sometimes grow into forbidden orchards and conversations sometimes bloom into beautiful gardens.

It might seem strange to you that a writer creates a killer who carries a knife with a short, dull blade because he likes to watch the light’s in his victims eyes flicker out right after they die. And how about the writer who talks about a character as if the person is really alive? It might seem strange when a writer models a victim or love interest after someone they know in real life. But, writing is a very strange thing indeed. It’s strange to have people talking in your head, strange to imagine murdering someone and how to get away with it. Writing is strange in a million ways.

Time and time again, creative people collect poison water from a shallow spring and carefully filter it until it is clear and sparkling.

Writers enjoy creating people and stories. It’s part of their lives. The Muse gives her stories and takes them away. Life is good when the Muse dances. Life is miserable when she hides herself away. It becomes like a drug. It’s their way of life. The Muse is an important part of any creative person’s mental and emotional support group.

 

So the next time the creative person in your life is talking about their story as if it is real or you recognize features of a character in the checkout line at the neighborhood grocery store, just be happy that the creative person is being creative.

How To Get Everything You Want

1. Know what you want!

People say: this is easier said than done. But it’s done by many people and it’s the most important step to the getting everything you want.

2. Know what you don’t want.

Obviously, we know what we don’t want. So, this comes down to finding the courage to rid yourself of it. Carlos Castenada said, “You either make yourself miserable or you make yourself strong, the amount of work is the same.”

3. Focus on what you want.

Take a moment, everyday, for Meditation and visualize yourself doing the thing you want. The more you do this the closer you come to having it.

4. Work toward your goal everyday in a structured manner.

Set an uninterrupted time to work toward your goal. Don’t take phone calls, tell your housemates to not bother you, and let everyone know this is not a request.  If they interrupted, you must start over. Yes, this will become the most important part of your day and everyone must respect it. Because let’s face it, if you’re continuously interrupted while working you are not in an atmosphere conductive to achieving your goals.

5. Evaluate your wants and don’t wants.

If you don’t have what you want, you don’t want it enough. Either that, or you must admit that you have exactly what you want. Wayne Dyer said, “You don’t get what you want. You get what you are.”

6. Believe in Yourself!

You are making this happen. All the good things, all the bad things, everything in your life is because you willed it into being. So, take Responsibility.

Marriage, the Wrong Way

Marriage is not a Mystery

it just takes more effort than most can afford

 

Why do people marry the wrong person? I think it’s because they marry too fast. People have a tendency to change over time which could cause a couple to grow apart. It’s important to date for a good long while and get to know them really well before you think you want to spend your whole life with them.

There will be tons of details about your unhappy marriage and what it’s like to be stuck in one. But, not much in the way of explaining how to avoid one.

I believe most unhappy marriages can be avoided by spending a lot of time with the person you want to marry. It takes time to really know someone and it takes time for them to know the real you. But, you know what takes even longer? Growing old with someone you don’t want to be around.

Could you imagine trying to make a life with someone who doesn’t value the things you value or with someone who doesn’t “get” your ideas or understand the things you want for the future? A nightmare with the devil narrating your slow minute by minute life, while you are conscious of what you passed up by not doing the right thing and making yourself happy, and this continues until you die.

Or does it?

Five Minutes Will Change Everything

It was hell on Earth and many didn’t make it out alive. Yet, hope prevailed and those who survived mark it as a defining time in their life. Because many don’t have such moments to look back on, they don’t consider the amazing blessings they have before them; and so, things such as depression and anxiety grip the masses and keep them from enjoying life, erasing the possibilities of their pursuit and replace it with loneliness and fear.

Drugs help and counseling has it’s place, but nothing is as affective as living everyday to it’s fullest degree. Good days and bad days, even hell on Earth, manipulate the equation of life and change the outcome of each and every moment; so much so, that the memory of a once hellish moment factors into the present and changes what one feels about then and now.

If you are depressed, if you are lonely, if you are anxious go outside. I urge you to take a step in a new direction. Just for five minutes do the thing that you so badly want to try, do the thing you think you can’t, press yourself to reach farther than you did yesterday, and for those five minutes you will be a super human because you are doing what you thought was impossible. Sp, you truly became a Super You.

No matter the life, no matter the station, no matter the family you were born into, you can be the person you want to be. Whether you want to be an artist, a musician, a writer, or maybe you’ve been dreading the crowd at the local store, you can do it. All of it.

You are capable of amazing things because you are an amazing person. You are a unique person and all your dreams are  front and center, waiting for you to believe in yourself enough to claim them. The only thing that stopped you from being the person you’ve always wanted to be is the fact that you’ve not thought it possible. Something, or possibly someone, made you believe that you weren’t worthy of the dreams you have, that whether or not you will achieved your goals depended on someone else. Well, you are worthy and whether or not you reach your dreams depends on you.

Five minutes, right now, will change your life forever. Write that story, draw that picture, play that song, face that crowd, become that person you want to be.  Being a Super You will get easier five minutes at a time.

Criminals Run Everything

Nothing is going to change until we admit the undeniable and simple truth that Everything is run by criminals.
If you need proof, just look at the world around you. Illegal activity is the easiest and best way to make money. The world is run by criminals, governments are run by criminals, corporations are run by criminals, and the institution set up by them are run by criminals. It’s obvious to everyone, but no one admits it.

We want things to change, but we enjoy the short lived benefits of the criminal system. It’s convenient to just blend in, to not know phone numbers, to not know how to write an essay, to not know how to earn a living, to wait on one of the handouts from the government, to be broke 80% of the time, to not know how to save money, to live handout to hand out.

That’s the way these criminals want it to be. When you get arrested, they don’t want you to know a phone number; when they cut off your check, they want you to be broke; when they cut off your pills, they want you to be in pain; when they turn off your electric, they want you to be cold and hungry; when they turn their backs on you, they want you to be alone.

Well, it’s completely up to you. It’s always been up to you. Your life is exactly the way you always wanted it to be and you know it is. It’s time to face the undeniable and simple truth and stop relying on a criminal system to pay our bills and feed us.